All I can do is shake my head and say, “you silly fool,” when I reminisce on all the times my younger self slept with his exes. Those were some major disasters we got ourselves into back then, Kyle.

I know, I know. It’s comfortable. And familiar. And if you’re aware it’s a bad idea to sleep with that dwindling flame, the experience may thereby be enhanced. We’re animals and we like naughty things. Sleeping with your ex is almost like doing the nasty with your roommate or boss, because you know it will probably lead to disaster—and that can be exhilarating.

My friends, I don’t want to tell you what to do here, but there are some things of which to be wary. I’m not saying that sleeping with a former lover is always a bad idea. I just think we should consider the potential repercussions before we blindly partake. Here are four reasons why casual sex with the ex could be a bad idea:

1. It won’t fix anything.

Unless the reason you broke up in the first place was because the sex was average, and you’re trying to copulate your way to better copulation, then nothing is going to change. You’ll still have the same problems which led you to breakup. No amount of good coitus is going to fix that. The sex couldn’t save the relationship before, and it’s not going to save it now.

Unless you’re willing to work on what drove you apart in the first place, you’re messing around with some hazardous stuff.

2. You’re wasting time.

It’s time to take that trip. Apply for that job. Try dating someone different. By idling around, investing your precious energy into something that is going nowhere, you’re actually hindering yourself from growing and evolving.

Get on with your bad self. It’s time to somersault into the next stage of life and enjoy all the new adventures that await you.

The grieving process is a normal phase of life. Just as there’s a time for joy and summer, there’s also a time for sadness and winter. Without the bad, there could not be good, and that’s just the natural flow of life.

Trying to stuff your breakup recovery with destructive things to ease suffering in the short-term, may actually only drag the grieving process on longer than it needs to be.

3. Someone’s heart will take a beating.

If you decide to go for it, there’s likely going to come a time when one of you is ready to move on. It probably won’t hurt the same way it did when things first dissolved, but it’s still probably going to suck. You already went through that pain once, why would you want to risk going through it again (and possibly again and again and again)?

I’m a firm believer in doing things that make the heart feel good first, before making the genitals feel good. Your sex parts can be satiated via sex toys.

4. You risk tarnishing something beautiful.

This might sound painfully corny to some people, but if you ended things on good terms with your ex, by dragging it on in this way, you risk debasing that part of history you shared with another being. One day, when you reflect on everything you went through, the most recent events might overshadow all the profound and sacred and wonderful moments you shared. Not to mention, you might end up losing a friendship.

Sex is the best. Especially when it’s with someone you’re comfortable with. But as we all know, if we’re not careful, sex can be detrimental and cause a considerable amount pain. If you decide to run the risk of sleeping around with your ex, make sure you do a personal inventory on your emotional states. Take care of yourself. Sexual intercourse should feel good everywhere, including your heart.

***

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The post 4 Reasons Casual Sex With Your Ex Is A Bad Idea first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post 4 Reasons Casual Sex With Your Ex Is A Bad Idea appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.

We’re forced to give up a part of ourselves every day. We have responsibilities to meet that can consume us, both in the home and in our careers. Some of us might be shouldering more than we can bear out of devotion, selflessness, or necessity. If there is one aspect of our lives that shouldn’t be subject to the inevitabilities of life, it’s our sexual practice. Sex is one of the few activities that is completely within our control. We have a choice to examine and reclaim it for our growth, or remain confused about how it’s affecting us.

Our generation is fierce about its right to be sexual, but for some sex has become a concept more than an act. It’s about rebellion, empowerment or showing off. While sex can be a part of all those things, we should also remember that it is a powerful, beautiful, and delicate act of sharing yourself.

If you’re going to claim your sexuality as a strong pillar of your being, you don’t have to choose empty sexual encounters that are being paraded as revolutionary.

Sex isn’t just an equal rights protest; it can be part of your well-being.

Having sex isn’t always empowering, and isn’t absolutely necessary for empowerment. Sometimes people use sex to manipulate, deceive or inspire jealousy. And sometimes, even if you had good intentions, you might look back in shame or disgust at one or more of the assholes or liars you took to bed. Sex isn’t always positive for everyone who is having it. It can be damaging to our emotional health if we’re reckless.

Refraining from the wrong kind of sex isn’t about avoiding the outdated “bad girl” or the “neighborhood slut” stereotypes—because not all sex is the “wrong” kind of sex. Instead, it’s about steering clear of sex that doesn’t enrich us because we want to take care of our emotional selves and fulfill our real desires.

Don’t choose to skip sex because you might be called a “skank” or other vapid derogatory name. Skip sex because someone doesn’t share the understanding, appreciation, and respect that’s necessary between sexual partners.

If you’re having sex with someone that makes you feel anything less than amazing before, during, and after the bedroom, that person doesn’t deserve you.

We’re lucky to live in a time when so many believe in fighting for our right to judgement-free sex, but if taken to lightly, sex loses all meaning and depth. It’s easy to say “Hey, it’s just sex!” as we try to banish slut-shaming and double standards. It almost seems like a step backward if we admit just how sensitive we are during one of the most vulnerable acts between two humans.

Sex still affects us no matter how serious or casual the encounter. Having sex with another living, breathing body is a powerful thing.

It’s often wrought with intense emotion whether we want it to be or not. Simply put, sex is far too important for our health to have it with the wrong person. If you’re only lusting after someone because they’re physically attractive (and maybe you’re a little bit drunk), think carefully. Whether you’ve known them for years or just a night, make sure the person you’re with is someone with whom you can share mutual respect, if not love.

If someone doesn’t nourish your sexual soul, banish them like a bad habit. There’s no shame – in fact, you can use it to celebrate your own agency – in your ability to give them a firm, point-blank “No.”

***

Now that you’ve kicked that bozo (or lady-creep) at the bar to the curb, you can get down with someone who you know loves and respects you. Yourself!

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The post Cherishing Your Body and Saying “No” to Sex first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post Cherishing Your Body and Saying “No” to Sex appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.