How to Nicely Stop Someone from Flirting with You

Picture this: You’re alone at the bar, sipping a drink while you wait for a friend, when you see someone giving you flirty eyes. It’s sweet, but they’re not your type, so you look back down at your drink. But then they’re walking over and you have to quickly think up an exit strategy.

Plenty of people have encountered that situation, whether at their local bar with a stranger or at their company holiday party with a flirty coworker. And it can be difficult to figure out how to let the flirt know that you’re not interested without hurting their feelings. When the person who’s flirting with you is creepy, it’s easy to tell them to get lost. But when they’re nice, getting out of the flirtation can be a little more difficult. But it’s not impossible as Sadie Allison, PhD, sexologist, author of Tickle His Pickle and founder of sex toy boutique, knows from experience. “I remember being in those situations,” she says, and she was able to get herself out using several different strategies.

Ahead, Dr. Allison suggests eight ways to avoid an unwanted flirtation. Hint: It’s 100% okay to lie.

Start talking about someone you’re dating.

This strategy works whether you’re single, dating, or hooking up with someone. The point is to let the person who’s trying to hit on you know that you’re not available, Dr. Allison says. If they think you’re with someone else or even interested in someone else (assuming you’re both monogamous), then they should back off.

Treat them like a friend.

If you’ve just met this person and it’s obvious that they’re flirting with you, then this strategy might not work. But, if they’re an acquaintance you know 5 Things That'll Get Her More Excited About Sexfrom work, school or your friend group, then treating them like just a friend can send the message that you’re not interested without having to say the words, “I’m not attracted to you” (which can be pretty harsh). “Point at a guy across the bar and say, ‘What do you think of that guy? I think he’s kind of cute,” Dr. Allison says. “He might be like, ‘What am I, chopped liver?’ But you want him to know that you’re totally not even looking at him in that way.”

Try to set them up with a friend.

If you’ve been talking to the flirter for a while and have a grasp on their personality, then one way to divert their interest is to tell them that they’re perfect for your friend. It sends a message that you’re not interested in them, but in a nice way that still says you value them as a person, Dr. Allison says. But be careful if this is a stranger, because they might want you to follow through with the set up, and you don’t want to stick your friend with someone you barely know.

Use your friends as an excuse.

Sometimes it’s fine to let a stranger flirt for a while if you’re enjoying the conversation, but if someone comes over and they’re laying the flirting on thick and you want no part of it, it’s okay to get yourself out quick. And your friends can be a big help, whether or not they’re there, Dr. Allison says. You can say that it’s been really nice meeting them, but you have to go meet up with a friend, and then politely excuse yourself.

Be honest, but not too honest.

Telling someone that you’re not into them is rough, so save that for the How to Unlearn Negative Sexual Messagescreeps or anyone who’s super persistent. If you feel bad lying, you can tell a version of the truth to get out of an unwanted flirting situation, Dr. Allison says. Tell the person that you’re just getting out of a bad relationship and can’t think of dating right now, or that you’re trying to focus on yourself, or that you’re really enjoying being single. One of those things might be true for you, and they all let the flirt know that you’re not interested.

Have a secret hand signal with your best friend.

If you’re out at a party or other social event with friends, consider coming up with a “save me” sign before the night begins, Dr. Allison says. Maybe it’s grabbing your earlobe or touching your nose. Whatever the signal, it’s a sign to tell your friend that you don’t want to be talking with the person who’s flirting with you and they should come over to pull you away. (If hand signals are too difficult, you can always send a “help me” text instead.)

Have a friend pretend to be your boo.

As part of the “save me” plan with your friends, you can choose one of them to be your pretend partner for the night, to really drive home the point that you’re not available, Dr. Allison says. When someone starts chatting you up, they can come over and put their arm around you or call you “baby.”

Intentionally turn them off.

“It wouldn’t be the first advice I’d give, but you could try to turn him off by doing something people find unattractive, like burping,” Dr. Allison says. Just be warned, some people find burps sexy.

This article was originally published on Refinery29.

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How to (Nicely) Stop Someone From Flirting with You
How to (Nicely) Stop Someone From Flirting with You
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2 thoughts on “How to (Nicely) Stop Someone From Flirting with You

  • September 25, 2018 at 6:05 am

    How about, ” Not interested, ” and ignoring them? I have tried the first 5 techniques and they’ve never worked, especially if the guy has any liquid courage on board. Fuck politeness. This is representative of the whole #metoo movement. Why not teach men to ask, instead of making women lie ( “nicely”) to protect the man’s feelings? Why are his feelings more important than mine? Because men are afraid women will laugh at them; and women are afraid men will kill them.

    • September 25, 2018 at 8:45 am

      Hello Wendy,

      Your opinions are completely valid. A woman should definitely put her feelings first when in this type (or any type) of situation. This blog is more about IF you care about sparing the man’s feelings. As stated at the beginning of the blog, if a man is a ‘creep’ it’s much easier to tell him to get lost. But if a guy is flirting and you don’t mind the conversation, but simply aren’t interested romantically, these tips can apply.

      Thank you for your input!


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