Does it seem like she isn’t as interested in having sex with you as she used to be? Relax. It’s probably not that she doesn’t want to have sex with you; it might just be that she doesn’t want to have sex at all.
Assuming that you haven’t done something to upset her, or you’re just not any good in bed, or there’s someone else—causing her to refuse sex with you—there are quite a few reasons why women may not be in the mood, and they might not want to talk about it. Luckily, you’ve got us to spell it out for you. So instead of taking it personally, take a moment to put yourself in her shoes, and explore these ten reasons why she may not want to have sex:
1. Stress and fatigue. If she’s under a lot of pressure at work or struggling with finances or any number of tiresome things, that can be a real cock-blocker. Depression and anxiety can have this effect, too. She could probably use a massage.
2. She feels unattractive. Maybe she put on a few pounds over the holidays. Or, perhaps she’s just feeling bloated. Remember that women typically feel the pressure of living up to the images of perfection in the media, and that’s an entirely unreasonable standard. It may be something as simple as she needs to do laundry, and is wearing granny panties that day. Maybe she hasn’t shaved her legs. Just make sure she knows you think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world—and not just because you want to get laid.
3. Hygiene. She could have overslept and had to skip bathing that day. When you start putting the moves on her later, she’ll be likely to turn you down because she feels gross. Or, maybe you’re the one who needs a shower. Don’t be that guy.
4. A visit from Aunt Flow. It happens every month. Get used to her menstrual cycle. For some couples, having sex while she’s on her period isn’t an issue. But let’s face it—you should certainly be able to understand why she might not want to engage in that messy business.
5. Infection. Yeast and urinary tract infections happen. When they do, don’t expect her to let you go to town down there. They’re easily treatable, but she’s gonna need a few days off to beat it.
6. Hormones. For women especially, hormones fluctuate throughout a lifetime, and this can affect the libido. We normally associate testosterone as being a male hormone, but women have it, too. And when they don’t have enough, her sex drive can crash through the floor.
7. Medications. There’s a pill for everything today, and most come with side effects, many of which can impact sex lives by causing dryness, diminished libido, or other issues. In many cases, by explaining the side effects to her doctor, these hurdles can be overcome.
8. Past abuse. You may or may not be aware of a sexual assault, or even long term abuse, in her past. But if there was, it has likely left mental scars, at the very least. PTSD isn’t limited to combat veterans. So if you know of, or suspect, she may have been a victim, be mindful of how sexual contact can be a trigger.
9. Dryness or pain. During any given month, there are points in her cycle where her libido may increase or decrease, and her natural lubrication will fluctuate, too. If she has a problem producing moisture down there, she may be afraid that you’ll think you don’t turn her on. Introduce a lube as a regular part of your shared sexual routine to get around this. Pain, on the other hand, is not something you want to subject her to. Did she give birth recently? Give her a break for at least six weeks. And after that, lube is a good idea as sexual activity resumes. And if you’re so big that it causes her pain, spend more time on foreplay, and don’t forget the lube for the finale.
10. Illness. C’mon, if she’s got the flu or a cold, you should be pampering her, not trying to get on top of her.
So yeah, sometimes it really isn’t you—not everything is about you, guys. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can sympathize with what she might be going through. And then, you’ll be better equipped to offer her support and comfort. Her well being is most important.
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