I sat back and listened to my friends having a lively argument. They were heatedly discussing one of the most contentious points in human history. Not religion or politics, not if the chicken or egg came first, but the equally as fascinating topic of female ejaculation.
Otherwise known as squirting, gushing, niagara falls, or my favorite, splash mountain.
There is so much mystery surrounding this delightful activity. Is it, or isn’t it pee? Where does it come from?
Is it “normal?” Can you learn how to do it? It’s time to settle this debate once and for all.
What the squirt?!
The technical definition of female ejaculation is an expulsion of fluid from or near the vagina during or before an orgasm. Pretty vague, right? The truth is that squirting is as different for each woman as orgasms are, we don’t all have the same kind! Heck, I don’t even always have the same types of orgasms in a day.
Unfortunately there have been no conclusive studies on female ejaculation, as there has been a lack of cohesive definitions and research methodology, as well as terminology. Most of the research done has been to examine the nature of the fluid, and determining whether or not it contains urine, but even that research has been inconclusive.
Some think that the fluid is secreted by the paraurethral ducts, which are through and around the urethra. Other’s feel it related to the Skene’s gland, but drawing a conclusion is proving to be as contentious to science as the location and use of the g-spot has been.
If you find this as frustrating as I do, consider this; pleasure is pleasure. It doesn’t really matter what the chemical compounds are of the fluid that’s spurting out of your pussy, as long as you’re having a good time doing it!
Whether it is in fact urine, or it’s the mysterious and wonderful elixir of life that continues to baffle science, having a good time is all that really matters. Since these fancy scientists can’t figure it all out, why don’t we roll up our sleeves and enjoy some hands-on research? I thought so. For those of us who have never experienced this seeming unicorn of a sexual experience, can squirting be learned? Of course the scientific jury is out on that too, but I sure had fun finding out.
First things first—it’s best to go to the bathroom and empty your bladder beforehand. Peeing before and after sex is great for men and women alike anyways. It promotes healthy urethras and decreases the chances of UTIs. Whether or not the squirted fluid is urine doesn’t really matter, but if it’s a concern for you, this practice may also help ease your mind.
Laying down a towel or waterproof blanket such as the Liberator Fascinator Throw Moisture-Resistant Sex Blanket is a great next step, as it makes clean up so much easier!
Being in touch with your pelvic floor muscles may increase your chances of celebrating with a gush, so spending some time connecting with your vaginal canal through Kegels can be a wonderful idea. To really get your pelvic floor into shape, the Apex by Pour Moi essentially does your Kegels for you.
This will hopefully start bringing you into your body, and relaxing your mind. I would suggest trying this out by yourself before experimenting with a partner. It’s lovely to be able to really relax and have as little self consciousness as possible. In addition, being in touch with your own body first can also help you communicate your sexual likes and dislikes to your partner.
Ready, set, squirt!
It’s time to get your groove on, and enjoy whatever gets your motor running. Try watching some porn that you like, light some candles to romance yourself, and break out your favorite toys. In order to build up the ejaculatory fluids, you need to be really aroused, so take your time luxuriating in your pleasure, you deserve it.
Now it’s time to locate the sometimes elusive g-spot. With your palm facing towards your vulva, insert a finger or two into your vagina, and try using a ‘come hither’ motion. You should feel a slightly spongy or ridged area on the upper wall of your vagina, when your finger is around the second knuckle of your opening. Every vagina is different, so don’t get discouraged if you can’t find it right away. The more aroused you are, the more engorged the g-spot becomes, so if you can’t locate it, try knocking out a clitoral orgasm first and spend some more time getting fired up.
Once you’ve got your finger on the button, give that g-spot some love! Explore what feels good. Curved g-spot stimulating toys like the We-Vibe Rave or the NJoy Pure Wand can be a lot of fun—and super helpful.
Firm, circular movements usually work best, but you can also try shorter ones, as if you were scratching an itch (gently). Every few minutes, try bearing down a little, squeezing your pelvic floor as if you were trying to pee. Spending about thirty minutes to an hour doing this is a good starting point, and if anything in particular is feeling really good, do more of that!
Allow yourself to really relax and enjoy this practice. It’s not a race and there is no pressure. In fact, putting pressure on yourself to squirt is often a barrier to actually squirting, so if you notice yourself getting frustrated and blocked, just switch to your most reliable method of orgasm and bring it home. There’s always next time to try again.
More squirt to go around.
Regardless of if you were successful at ejaculating solo, you can try this out with a partner whenever you feel ready. Follow the same steps, including laying down some towels for peace of mind. Make sure to communicate clearly with your partner as they explore your vulva and vagina with their fingers or a toy. This is such a fun way to discover what feels good, and help your sexual partner learn more about your anatomy.
When experimenting with a partner, try out different positions and see if any are more enjoyable than others. They can sit next to you while you lay on a bed, you could sit in their lap on the couch, or even lay next to each other on a big desk or dining room table – the possibilities are endless. Enjoy playing together for as long as you want, and see if you can create your own niagara falls at home!
Regardless of whether you actually end up at the gushing destination or not, hopefully the journey was pretty enjoyable, and perhaps you even learned a little bit more about yourself along the way.
By Isabella Frappier, originally published on
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