I was in the middle of brainstorming and conducting extensive research on what men would like for Valentine’s Day when I abruptly stopped…
In fact, I almost scrapped everything and gave up on my project altogether.
The thing is, I’m not even sure men are supposed to be getting anything for V-Day. It’s always been my impression that the dudes are meant to spoil the ladies. But hey, if women want to share this holiday, then that’s really sweet. Thanks, ladies. You’re the best. Now here’s a bunch of stuff we’d like:
1. Blowjob while playing video games
If you do this, you will win everything, forever. Just tell your fella you want to watch him play video games, and once he’s seated, perform your magic.
You can even challenge him to a turn-based game, with the rule that one person gives oral while the other person struggles to keep their composure, and not fall into a pit of lava or drive off a cliff.
Be sure to pick up some Slippery Kitty lube to make things as sweet as you for trying this radical idea on him.
2. A fort to have sex in
Here is what Coondidntmakeit from Reddit’s girlfriend had to say:
“Do not waste money on an overpriced meal. I’ll make dinner. Then build a pillow fort so we can fuck in it, then eat ice cream and watch a movie in bed.”
You’ve found a keeper dude. Hang onto that one. I almost exclusively have sex in forts anyway, but this is a great idea for the general population.
3. Laser tag in lingerie
Hand him a Laser Tag pistol with a sensor and tell him to suit up before running off to set up your battle plan. Oh and make sure you’re wearing your sexiest lingerie. That would just be the coolest. My friend’s girlfriend did that to him, and now they’re getting married, so…
4. A sexy chef
Here is what Sam said in Cosmopolitan:
“I would be happy if my girlfriend cooked me anything wearing just an apron. Literally anything. Well, nothing with onions. Or if she planned the whole day herself—she knows what she wants to do on Valentine’s Day more than I do. So she’d plan the whole day and I’d be a kind, gracious, loving boyfriend all day.”
The sizzles, the smells, the attractive looking yams—food preparation evokes powerful anticipation. It’s kind of like foreplay. So if the person conducting this sensual composition happens to be scantily clad, then a secondary foreplay begins. The two foreplays dance in harmony, and we get major food boners.
5. Liquor-filled chocolate
Here is what an anonymous person said on Elite Daily:
“Last year I had gotten these artisanal chocolates from Kentucky where each one was made with a different bourbon from the region.”
That’s a great gift. Men want alcohol-related things so we can drink them with you and then we can take advantage of each other (in an entirely non-creepy and consensual kind of way).
After we’ve had a few drinks, it might be a good time to introduce a new sex toy because we’ll be open and willing to try more things in this state.
6. Bacon roses
You can find out how to make them here. If he’s vegan, or he just doesn’t like bacon, there are tons of other food bouquets you can arrange. You can also make/purchase chocolate, fruit, and candy bouquets.
Or just buy actual roses. Hey, some dudes enjoy flowers too.
7. A different holiday
Here is what AreYouDreaming from Reddit had to say:
“I would like Valentine’s Day to be abolished and replaced with a second Thanksgiving.”
Valentine’s Day should celebrate love, and love comes in many forms. I love food, jazz, and sleeping. These are the things I spend lots of time doing on this occasion when I don’t have a significant other to spoil. So hey, if you love Thanksgiving, then go for it. If you and your significant other would rather dress up in goofy costumes and pretend it’s Halloween, then go for it—do what makes you happy.
This romantic celebration does not need to be some cheesy consumerist ploy. You can decide to do what you love with the person/people you love. Or you can just eat a bunch of heart candies alone until you have to lie down because you get a wicked sugar rush. Either sounds pretty amazing to me.
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