You probably give good blowjobs. Actually, you probably give great blowjobs. But have you mastered the art of deep-throating? This hard-to-attain skill can come in handy for a truly mind-altering blowjob.

Disclaimer: Deep-throating is not at all necessary for a great BJ, so if it’s not something that appeals to you there’s no reason to feel bad. Its merely something to add to your repertoire if the idea of taking a whole penis in your mouth excites both you and your partner.

And if it does…here are a few tips and tricks to getting it done just right.

Train Your Gag Reflex

Usually the number one reason why people have a tough time with deep-throating is that they have a sensitive gag reflex. A gag reflex is the trigger your brain sends your body when it thinks you might be choking, and releases that lurching in your throat and stomach to get you to cough up whatever might be harming you. (Thanks, brain!) And while that is good for our survival, it’s not great for deep-throating because we’re not really going to choke on a dick.

You can train your gag reflex, however, so that it becomes more resistant. You can try putting his penis into your mouth a little deeper each time so that your body gradually gets used to the sensation of having it there. You can try this with a safe object that is not his penis, as well, but just be careful and take it slow.

Breathe Through Your Nose

You’d be surprised at how many people forget to breathe when they’re giving a blowjob. Deep-throating can be a lot of mental work, but while you’re concentrating you should also be breathing the entire time—through your nose. You’ll be amazed at how much easier it becomes. Also, tighten your abs while you do it. This helps to ease up the gag reflex, as well. We’re not sure why, but it works.

Change Positions

Every person’s penis and throat are different, so changing up positions could be the way to deep-throat sensationally. One position that seems to work (almost) across the board is when the giver lays on the bed with his/her head hanging over the edge of the bed. This opens up the L-shaped throat so that a penis can fit fully in. I recommend starting with this position, then adjust as necessary. Always listen to your body and do what feels the most natural for you and your lover.

Use Lube

Just do it. Spit is not a lubricant. It will get dry. Lube makes everything (EVERYTHING) in sex better. There’s no reason to not use it. There’s even flavored lubes to make your deep-throating experience even tastier. 

Use Your Hand

If it’s still a challenge for you to master the deep-throating, wrapping your hand around his penis as you put it in your mouth can create a similar sensation to deep-throating for him. Keep the up-and-down movement of your hand at the same pace as the movement of your mouth for the full effect. Every inch of his penis will be stimulated using this technique, so it will feel fantastic but is also less work for you.

Be in control

Blowjobs can and should be just as much fun for the giver as they are for the receiver. Yes, the act is designed with the pleasure of the receiver in mind, but this should be fun for you, too. As hot as it might be to have him “fuck your face”, you want to be in control when you’re deep-throating. Go at your pace. Stop when you need to. Use your hand, use lube, slow down, speed up. This is about your comfort and enjoyment, just as much as it is about his pleasure.

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Upgrade your deep-throating with the help of toys from TickleKitty.com

The post How to Deep-throat Like a Pro first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post How to Deep-throat Like a Pro appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.

We get it, the heat of the moment is oh’ so hot and sometimes we just want to stick it in. But wait, lovers: There is so much more you can do, without even reaching penetration. Arousal at its finest is finessed through a number of ways, and even hotter when it’s a slow burn. 

This is especially true to women’s pleasure, considering peak arousal can take anywhere from 3-30 minutes in order to near orgasms. When orgasms do happen, they rarely come from penetration: clitoral stimulation is an absolute must. 

It’s a no brainer that we should take a step back and indulge in all the sexual treats we have to offer before starting penetration. Besides, why wouldn’t you want to be the most aroused you could be? Many people and couples also enjoy healthy and satisfying sex lives without ever engaging in penetration of any kind – which is deliciously fun! 

Here are our 3 favorite ways to let your pleasure simmer and enjoy waves of sensation without even penetrating yourself or your partner. 

Your hands are your best pleasure tool

Don’t underestimate the power of your hands when it comes to turning your partner on. They can be used to squeeze, grope, caress, pull, and massage all parts of the body. With lubricated fingers, ask your partner how they liked to be pleasured and have them show you. Perhaps they have a stroke and rhythm they enjoy most, or a rubbing motion that feels best for them. If they enjoy being dominated, try grasping their hair by the nape and pulling them closer to you while you kiss them, or gently placing your hands around their neck. Perhaps your partner likes to have their nipples pinched, or have their hips squeezed and pulled into you as you caress them. 

This can also be tied into mutual masturbation, which is masturbating together. Not only do you get to see your partner pleasuring themselves, but you see how. You learn the touch they love, the methods they use the most often, and their reaction. You can step in and help, or get off on watching each other. 

Get mouthy, literally & figuratively 

Just like your hands, your mouth can be utilized on every single part of your partner’s body. Make it count! Before jumping straight into oral sex, try trailing your lips and tongues along your partner’s body. Start with their inner thighs, work up their stomach, to their chest, and up to their neck and earlobes. These are incredibly sensitive parts of the body and the warm, wet feel of your mouth will be absolutely mind-blowing. 

Performing oral sex is perhaps more satisfactory than penetration for most women, considering it has the highest rate of orgasm turnout. When going down on your partner, ask them what kind of rhythms, pressures, and strokes they enjoy. If you’re giving head to a penis, do they like tongue circles around the head? Deep or shallow strokes with your mouth? How fast? If giving head to a vulva, perhaps they like circular tongue strokes or gentle sucking of the clitoris. 

Just as the physical is important, don’t forget dirty talk! Dirty talk can be very hot, and get your partner hot and bothered even if you’re in public. Try whispering something naughty in their ear while at dinner, or send them a sensual text. The mental stimulation can sometimes be more enticing than the physical, leaving your partner wanting more. 

Sex toys give pleasure in all forms

Sex toys are always our favorite option to recommend, since they can be used in so many ways. Whether you have one around for yourself or want to share with a partner, there are countless scenarios. We love having people teach their partners how to use a toy on them, and make it part of play. 

Have your partner rub a vibrator on your clitoris (we love the Le Wand Petite) while kissing, or on your body as they massage you. You can use a stroker on your partner as they sit back and relax, or apply a cock ring to watch their erection get stronger and stronger. 

Getting a bit more daring, have your partner wear a panty vibe while you go out in public. Using its remote control, play with different vibrational speeds and rhythms to watch their reactions. Besides, who said the movies or a fancy dinner can’t be sexually fun too?

The post 3 Ways to Pleasure Without Penetration first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post 3 Ways to Pleasure Without Penetration appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.

Blowjobs. Head. Hummers. BJs. Going Down. Fellatio. Whatever you call it, guys will do anything to get it. After all, it’s their complete erotic fantasy come true: sights, sounds, sensations and screaming orgasms. Oral sex is as hot and intimate as it comes. That explains why many guys dream about the female mouth even more than the vagina (if you can believe that!). Why? Both are warm, wet and tight—but the mouth has a tongue that licks, lips that suck, and teeth that tease.

Oral sex is the ultimate sexual gift you can give to your guy. So why not give it your all? Here are some blowjob technique basics to get him going—and keep him coming:

The Classic Blowjob

Start by getting comfortable. Oral sex can be a bit tiring, so be sure to position yourself so your upper body and shoulders can move up and down with you. And if your neck gets sore, he’s got two hands that should be more than willing to massage it for you. Remember: you set the depth. You set the pace. You set your comfort. You’re in control.

Step 1: Form the “OK” sign with your thumb and fore- finger. Place it over your lips.

Step 2: Gracefully bring your face down over his penis while you form a sausage grip with your hand. Now allow him to glide up through the bottom of your lightly held fist.

Step 3: Continue south until his head comes through the top of your fist and into your mouth. As you take him in, begin the Twister technique with your hand, first on the upstroke, then on the downstroke.

Step 4: Bring everything into perfect synch. Coordinate your favorite combo of hand grips and stroking with your glorious wet lips around his penis.

Next, surprise him with some of these other sexy techniques to spice up your oral love-making:

Lip Gloss

Flood your puckered lips with saliva, then glide them gently up and down and all around his shaft. Swirl around the head, too.

Tip Top

Slide the tip of your wet tongue all around his head, peehole and V-spot. Work your tongue into every crevice and skin fold till he’s taut and hard.

Laplander

With your tongue full, wide and relaxed, lick his penis upward like a melting ice cream cone.

Skin Flicks

Flutter and flick the tip of your hot wet tongue from the top of his penis all the way to the bottom of his balls.

Now that you’ve got the basics down along with some tricks to try, go explore your newfound knowledge with a lucky partner. Still wanting more? Grab a copy of my bestselling book Tickle His Pickle—Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing for a plethora of tips proven to please.

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Tickle His Pickle with these penis-pleasing toys from TickleKitty.com:

The post An Illustrated Guide to the Classic Blowjob first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post An Illustrated Guide to the Classic Blowjob appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.

In my experience, most of the people who talk and write about male sexual energy and how men act upon it are women. While I owe a huge debt to the many women who helped me shape my understanding and practices, I would love to see more men taking a lead around this.

I’m going to leave aside the men who are deliberately intrusive, obnoxious, or predatory. I think that dealing with them is a different issue than what I want to focus on at the moment because I think that different strategies are needed. Instead, I want to focus on the guys who have good intentions, in the sense that they don’t want to be creepy or invasive, but still end up being perceived that way.

Now, I want to be very clear that I get that men tend to throw their sexual attention around, without understanding how that can be intrusive, invasive and triggering. Most men have no idea how tedious (or worse) it can be. So one part of not coming across as creepy is getting a better understanding of that and its impact on women. That’s a topic for a different day.

I also want to be clear that this isn’t limited to male-female interactions. But it is a much more common issue in those contexts, both due to the ways that sexism shapes male-female relationships differently from male-male relationships, and because men flirting with or cruising men often do it differently. In non-gay spaces, for example, they are usually more subtle about it since there’s a chance that the guy you’re cruising might be one of those straight guys who responds with anger or violence. Of course, there are other complexities there, but I don’t want to get sidetracked. Similarly, when women flirt with or cruise anyone of any gender, the dynamics are different. And at the moment, I’m talking about how men interact with women.

One of the biggest reasons that some men come across as creepy is that most of us never learn good ways to ask for sex. We hear messages that tell us that it’s important to communicate about sex, or that we need to ask our partners (or our potential partners) in order to get consent, but there is very little guidance on how to make that work. So is it any surprise that there have been so many men seeking advice from pick up artists and the seduction community? Yes, a lot of them are looking for ways to manipulate women. And many others are simply looking for the social interaction skills that they haven’t learned yet.

So in that light, here’s one way to do it that doesn’t depend on misdirection or manipulation. It won’t work in all situations- it’s probably best for men in pre-existing relationships, although it can work in some flirting contexts.

1. Let go of your attachment to the outcome of your desire.

If you go into the situation with a specific goal in mind (i.e. getting laid, or getting laid in a specific way), you’re attached to a particular outcome. That tends to skew your actions because you’re trying to push things in a that direction. The more you can leave things open to possibilities, the more room you can give you partner. In a world in which women’s sexual agency tends to be taken away, this simple (although admittedly often difficult) step can go a long way to increasing her safety with you. And that makes it much more likely that you’ll get something that you want.

Bear in mind that there is a huge range of sexual activities that can be lots and lots of fun. Stop focusing on intercourse and discover how many other possibilities you have. They’re not lesser options. They’re different options, and they all count.

And as part of that, let go of the idea that anyone other than you is responsible for your pleasure or orgasm. Nobody owes you sex. Nobody owes you an orgasm. You, and you alone, are responsible for it. If someone else chooses to participate in that process, that’s up to them. And conversely, you don’t owe anyone else sex or orgasms. You have just as much agency around their desires as they have around yours.

2. Start off with making it clear that you’re asking for her consent.

Asking someone “do you want to have sex?” may sound like you’re making room for consent. But you need to remember that we live in a world that tells many women that they can’t say no. If you genuinely want to have her consent, and you want her to believe that, try starting off with something like:

If you’re in the mood…

If it would turn you on…

If you’re into it…

If you’re feeling horny…

These kinds of phrases do two things. First, they let her know that you’re offering her a possibility rather than making a demand. They invite and require her to make a positive statement, while making room for her to say no. Second, they remind you that she has just as much room to say yes or no as you do. This will can help you manage and contain your sexual energy until you get a clear statement of consent from her. And that is a good thing to practice.

3. Follow up with a statement of your desire.

I would like to have sex with you.

I’m in the mood for a blowjob.

I’d love to tie you up.

it would turn me on if we tried that new vibrator.

I’d enjoy kissing you.

By making a clear statement of your interests or desires in that moment, you’re giving her an idea of what you want. Be honest and direct- don’t ask for something you think she’ll say yes to, while hoping you can take it further once things get started. If you have difficulty asking for what you want, practice it when you’re alone sometime. Find the words that are authentic to you and come up with phrases that feel more natural when you say them.

When you directly and clearly state your desires, when you can own them, you are speaking from a place of power and strength. This is a major shift because most of us actually feel powerless around sex. We’re taught that women are the gatekeepers and men have to beg, bribe, convince, or coerce them into doing what we want. When we feel powerless, we often slip into patterns of passivity (which can lead to passive aggression) or violence. When we discover our power, we can let go of either of those and be strong.

4. Be ready to talk about what comes next.

Since you’ve let go of your attachment to the outcome, you’ll be able to let this start a conversation about what you each want to do. If she’s not in the mood for A, what about B, C, D, or E? And if she’s just not into having sex right then, you could decide to wait until later, jack off, or (if it fits within your relationship agreements) find someone else to ask. All perfectly fine options.

5. Practice

Learning new ways to talk about sex can seem really difficult at first. We don’t have many role models for it and a lot of men have internalized shame around sexual desires and/or talking about them. You could practice with each other sometime, which gives you the opportunity to tell each other if any phrases are especially good or particularly challenging for you. And of course, you could ask her to practice asking you for sex, using this framework or something else. It would give you each some deeper insight into the other’s experiences. (This works really well with yes/no/maybe lists.)

You can also practice this in non-sexual settings.

• If you’re in the mood for it, I’d like to get Chinese food tonight.
• If you’re up for it, I want to go see a movie.
• If you’re interested, I’m feeling like going climbing at the gym

Nobody is born knowing how to do this. Some of us are fortunate to have been taught or to have figured it out. But until we start creating and sharing useful and realistic tools, it doesn’t matter how much we complain about the problem. People need solutions in order to let go of behaviors that don’t work.

So I invite you to give this a shot and see how it goes. After all, if there’s a chance that it’ll make talking with your partner about sex easier, if it might lead to your getting what you want, isn’t that a marvelous incentive? If you try this out, I’d love to hear how it goes for you. Feel free to comment below or send me a note.

If you’re feeling stuck in  your relationships or your sex life, and you’re looking for ways to make things work better, see my bio below and get in touch with me and let’s talk about what’s going on. I offer a free 30 minute Get Acquainted call, so we can discuss your situation and how I can help you figure it out.

This article was originally posted on Charie Glickman’s website.

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The post How Men SHOULD Ask For Sex first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post How Men SHOULD Ask For Sex appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.