Outercourse: 9 Erotic Pleasures Without Going In

What do you call intercourse without the “in”? Outercourse, of course!

Outercourse takes the penetration out of sex—but not the fun. You still enjoy deeply sensual, skin-on-skin lovemaking. You still share a thrilling physical connection. And you still experience explosive, scream-worthy orgasms.

So why would anybody ever want to forgo the deep satisfaction of vaginal or anal penetration? Because sometimes, intercourse just isn’t on the menu—or you’d simply like to shake things up. Or consider these practical reasons: the risk of pregnancy and STIs goes way down, while your freedom and enjoyment go way up. You can still be intimate if you’re not ready for intercourse, she’s menstruating, or one of you is too tired. You also have a no-risk solution if you’ve run out of condoms, misplaced the diaphragm or forgotten The Pill. You can even silence a squeaky bed if your eavesdropping in-laws are right next door.

Dr. Sadie Sez: Less risk doesn’t mean no risk. ANY sexual contact between humans means risk—even low-risk outercourse. Keep semen from splashing near the vagina, mucous membranes and open cuts. Practice safer sex during oral sex.

Outercourse offers each of you a new way to express yourself creatively as you learn more about each other sexually.

When he drifts off to dreamland after his orgasm, she may still be ready, willing and surging for another orgasm or three. Next time, if he tries these thrilling outercourse techniques and learns more about her desires, both partners can drift off to dreamland together, totally satisfied and deliciously spent.

Outercourse 1

Take a holiday from the finer techniques of penetration and explore the erotic nooks and crannies of your lover’s body with much greater intimacy.

Kiss. Seduce with your lips and tongue: Peck. Lick. Lip-lock. Flick. Entwine. Go soft, hard, slow, gentle, mellow, deep—then work up to hot, wet and messy! Hold your lover’s chin. Caress your lover’s face. Pretend it’s oral sex at its best.

Dr. Sadie Sez: It’s easy to get sucked into the sex game before you’re physically and emotionally ready—especially its hurtful side. Outercourse offers you a way to go at your own pace (not his!), and absorb what’s happening to you before it can become overwhelming. Take him for fun outercourse “test drives” as you get to know each other better. It’s not just smarter, it’s safer.

Dry hump. Rub your clothed bodies together lustily in the backyard, in a restaurant coatroom or on the backseat of your car. Steer clear of rough fabrics and jagged zippers on sensitive spots.

Fingerplay. Unleash those living sextoys in your pockets—your hands! Wrap, stroke, jerk, caress, rub, stimulate—you know where. Take turns, or pleasure each other simultaneously. Or watch each other do unto your-selves.

Massage. Coat your lover’s most intimate spots with a little massage oil and explore behind the ears, down the neck, down the back, around the butt, and behind the knees. This is a great way to lead in to even more pleasure with intense clitoral touching.

Play games. Play out your fantasies and fetishes; wear costumes, wigs, stiletto heels, or sexy lingerie, then grind together to a steamy song and bring each other to orgasm while your clothes are still on!

Penis pleasure hunt.
Seek out her body’s most sensual spots with his heat-seeking penis! Drizzle on some sex lube and slide it between her breasts, thighs, armpits, inner elbow fold, feet—any soft warm inviting skin (just not the vagina or anus, Romeo!).

Toy around. Reach into your sex toy chest and pull out a few of your favorites: feathers, vibrators, dildos, lubes, warming oils—or slip an erotic video into your DVD. Toy chest empty? Time to surprise your lover with a special batteries-included gift.

Back door reach around. Tease slowly toward the pleasure-center of your lover’s butt with your fingers, mouth and toys—but remember to use latex barriers when you reach the prize.

Get oral. Let your lips do the talking as you take turns tasting and licking each other with gusto. Or change it up and get into the “69” position and delight each other simultaneously.


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Outercourse: 9 Erotic Pleasures Without Going In
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Dr. Sadie Allison

Founder & CEO of trusted pleasure boutique TickleKitty.com and GoLove CBD Naturals. She's a Doctor of Human Sexuality, bestselling author and publisher of 6 sex-help books with 2 million copies sold. Follow Dr. Sadie on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or Pinterest. Read more by Dr. Sadie.

2 thoughts on “Outercourse: 9 Erotic Pleasures Without Going In

  • April 5, 2017 at 9:08 am

    My Wife and I have enjoyed a highly charged sex life for the past 26 years. We met each other at 20 y. o. and from the very beginning our aggressive sexual attraction for each other was a 10+ ever since. For the first 20 years or so we had to have intercourse with each other almost every day. We have four children so it sometimes got very challenging to say the least. But about five years ago I suffered a bad back injury and about four years ago my Wife got a knee injury. So there went her on top ;-(. At first we tried every which way to still have intercourse, however the pain was just cramping our style. Also after 23 years together we were no spring chickens either. We started to explore many different ways of “Outercourse”, we didn’t call it that until we read your article but that’s what we were doing all along. We have managed to keep our sex life going strong and satisfied our need for each other. Of course we still need intercourse for that soul connecting feeling once and awhile but outercourse has satisfied our needs beyond belief. We’ve experimented with many different toys and love to give and receive manual masterbation along with enjoying self masterbation together. This has allowed us to satisfy and fulfill our strong sexual desires for each other without the pain of past injuries. And actually learned a lot about each other’s needs. Now it’s not whether we like Intercourse over Outercourse or vise versa, we go back and forth depending on our mood at the time. Thank you Dr. Sadie for your articles and great advice.

    • May 8, 2017 at 11:09 am

      Hi Frank, thanks so much for your feedback on my post! And I appreciate your candidness and taking the time to share your story. Not only do I commend you for your successful long-term marriage, but also for your continued openness to sexual exploration. You set a good example for others. And sounds like you’re doing a great job at it. Keep it up!


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