how to use the languages of love to improve your sex life

A few years ago I came across an ideology which revolutionized my dating life. It suddenly became clear which women I’d better connect with, and I understood how to meet their needs. Things were great. My romantic adventures became less complicated. The end.

Or was it? One magical day, I decided to apply these teachings to the bedroom, and something remarkable happened. I was able to overcompensate for all my many, many flaws.

Maybe you’ve come across The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman or its adapted teachings. The book suggests each person has a primary and secondary love language to which they will most positively respond. It’s a practical piece of literature, and I highly recommend you read it.

If you’re like me and you fall asleep every time you try to read for more than ten minutes, I’ve provided what each language is below in a hyper-condensed form. I’ve also included how to apply these five ideas in the bedroom.

1. Words of Affirmation

Does your partner say, “Oh stop,” when you give themincreasing intimacy through sexual exploration a compliment (but you know they secretly want you to continue)? Then they might feel most loved with words of affirmation.

So tell them how good they look or how amazing they’re making you feel during sex. You want to be super vocal. Be all like, “Damn girl, your bum makes me hard and stuff,” or “Whoa, if you keep doing that I’m going to prematurely ejaculate all over the dang place (again).”

2. Acts of Service

Does finishing a honey-do list or preparing a nice meal make your partner swoon? Then they might feel most loved when you provide acts of service.

So give them lots of head. Most people love getting oral. But this category of people will likely appreciate it the most. If not, there are plenty of other acts of service you can provide in the bedroom. Try giving a back rub before the deed or washing the sheets afterward.  

3. Receiving Gifts

Can you get away with almost anything as long as you buy your partner a forgive me present afterward? Then they might feel most loved when you spoil them with gifts.

So buy them sex toys or lingerie or wild and exciting condoms. Shower them with sexy presents, and they will shower you with passionate sex.

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4. Physical Touch

Is the general population totally grossed out by how much your partner makes you partake in PDA? Then your boo might feel most loved with physical touch.

So cuddle them after sex. And feel free to give them adorable little eskimo kisses and hold their hand during your lovemaking sesh. People who fall under the physical touch category need extra affection.

5. Quality Time

Does your partner kind of feel like a stage 5 clinger? Do they miss you when you leave to go to the bathroom? Then your partner might feel most loved with quality time.toys for couples

So don’t just slam and scram. That is, don’t leave your mate as soon as le sex ends. It’s probably a good idea for you to stay the night. Those who fall into the category of quality time want your presence more than anything else.

If you’re an overachiever like I wish I were, you can figure out what your partner’s secondary love language is too, and then mix and match that with their primary. For example, maybe your companion’s primary is physical touch, and their secondary is quality time. Then you can cuddle them to sleep after sex, and you’d be able to fulfill both their needs. Or maybe they respond to acts of service and receiving gifts. In this case, you could buy them really nice massage oil and then give them a full body rub before sexy times.  

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Kyle Towers

Kyle Towers

A young cow licked Canuck who writes things and has a deep-seated love of everything geeky. Kyle hopes to change the world with his words. But first he needs to change his shirt because he flexed and he’s pretty sure it’s stretched in some spots. Follow Kyles adventures on Facebook and Twitter @ kylecanuck. Full bio and more articles by Kyle.

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