The trio of bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, and sadism & masochism may have a history of deviant depiction, but its rise to mainstream popularity in recent years has bred a lot of newfound curiosity. And though it stands on the basic pillars of communication and consent, BDSM can still seem pretty intimidating to anyone who’s new to the scene. However, it’s something many couples can benefit from.

Never fear, Tickle Kitty is here! Ready to help guide your grand entrance into the realm of kink and how to make it work wonders for you and your partner.

How To Bring It Up

It might seem fairly obvious, but ensuring you’re on the same page with your partner about what is and isn’t on the table is an important first step to approaching the kinky waters. Like many things in the world of sex, communication is everything—so of course the same goes for something as intimate as BDSM.

Commonly referred to as hard and soft limits, categorizing all the things you totally would try, might do, and definitely refuse is one of the first things you should do. You and your partner can make your own lists of each, then reconvene and see where mutual interest and compromise can be reached. Making a point to raise the subject outside of the bedroom and in a moment when you have ample time to talk about it are two other important factors to keep in mind when breaching sensitive subjects like these.

Beginner’s Tips & Tricks

First off, educate yourselves. One of the best parts about the Internet is the arsenal of knowledge available at your fingertips. When it comes to something as diverse and well-discussed as BDSM, the online insight is invaluable. Whether together or separately, you and your partner can easily listen to podcasts and read up on countless articles written by all sorts of extremely well-informed sex educators and practitioners. That way, you can also learn some proper techniques beforehand to help prevent accidental injury down the line.

Start out slow. Once you think it’s time to dive in, don’t feel the need to go zero to dungeon master on day one. For as personal as BDSM can (and should) be, establishing your system of communication is essential from the get-go. By this point you should have decided on a safe word and action, which tells your partner to stop what they’re doing immediately if things get too extreme; so prioritize getting comfortable with each other and your actions before ramping up the intensity.

Accessible tricks & toys. Instead of going straight for the electro rods and chastity cages, beginning with more “user friendly” toys is another great way to initially ease into things. Naturally it takes time to find your way, so first experimenting with items like a loosely tied scarf and incrementally sized toys can help avert you from feeling in over your head or intimated. And if sex toys are relatively new territory for you in the first place, even just restraining your lover’s hands while giving them oral, or receiving a sensual massage while blindfolded are great ways to begin your experimentation.

Value aftercare. Regardless of your experience level, aftercare is always a critical note on which to end, too. Dedicating the time to check in with each other after your hot and heavy sesh plays out helps ensure everyone feels good about what just happened and is tended to both physically and emotionally. BDSM can elicit some pretty intense responses, so “coming down” from the experience can be a serious bond strengthener itself.

And above all, never engage BDSM with anyone that you don’t fully trust. Period.

Tools Of The Trade

So once you’ve got your heads wrapped around the approach, a simple selection of toys can be a helpful stairstep into the world of kink.

Blindfolds. Sensation play is a mainstay itself, so a simple blindfold is a non-intimidating way to start getting your sexy sea legs. By covering up the sense of sight, all other senses will be heightened, so brushing a soft feather, silky scarf or plastic Wartenberg pinwheel across your partner’s anticipation-filled body is enough to shift their arousal into a whole new gear.

Impact Toys. Another stereotyped but true common facet of BDSM, spanking can help increase blood flow to certain parts of the body and enhance sensitivity as a result. Although the pros can make it look pretty intense, the fact you can control the level of impact makes it a great beginner technique. Start small with a paddle or crop to get a feel for how your partner likes it, and switch off between sultry spanks and gentle rubs of the same (now much more tender) erogenous zones.

Nipple Clamps. If you aren’t super used to masochism in the first place, a set of nipple clamps can help you learn how to find loads of pleasure in a touch of pain. Regardless of gender, they can also help stimulate multiple erogenous zones at a time with a unique, often adjustable amount of pressure. All while looking super sexy, too!

Restraints. Putting the “bond” in bondage, user-friendly handcuffs can add another level of sexiness when one person takes full control. But instead of the traditional metal lock and key, opting for velcro varieties that can be easily removed, or even bondage tape that only sticks to itself instead of the skin, can take a little pressure off of the first-time performance and allow you to explore with peace of mind.

If there’s one thing we know, it’s that Rihanna isn’t the only fan of chains and whips. As long you act upon them responsibly, kinks and fetishes are perfectly healthy and normal to have. They can expand our sexual horizons and help couples feel closer than ever before, so at the end of the day, never be too afraid of wading into the kinky waters.

Besides, you won’t know whether you like it until to try it.

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Enter the realm of kinky fun with toys from TickleKitty.com:

The post BDSM 101: Pro Tips for the Curious first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post BDSM 101: Pro Tips for the Curious appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.

Everyone has a fetish, whether they admit it or not. And though some are more ‘open’ in their explorations than others, the fact is there’s a place for everyone across the dynamic spectrum of kink.

In a nutshell, “fetish” is best defined as an object, body part or act that gets someone aroused—regardless if a partner is present and/or involved. About 549 of them exist, and research has found they’re a lot more common than some would believe.

So where exactly do fetishes even come from in the first place? While there may not be token proof, both science and history have a few theories.

Not Just For Dogs

Some scientists have believed for decades that fetishes can develop from the association of a stimulant or experience with arousal. This is called the Pavlovian theory. Since sex is one big connection between mind and body anyway, the idea that repeat exposure incites excitement that mentally sticks has long been both a popular and plausible school of thought.

Childhood Strikes Again

Another prevailing theory is the idea of early exposure. If someone has a sexual experience during or around puberty, many believe it’s more likely to stay with us as we grow older. Like anything else, we grow alongside our sexual behaviors, so memorable moments that occur as we first become aware of our own sexuality could very well have the potential to imprint your mind for years to come.

Nature’s Choice

And of course there’s also the fact it could just be to each their own! Since there’s such a wide range of sexual fantasy among us, it’s definitely possible fetishes could just be another layer of natural diversity. Everyone has their own unique taste and personality traits, so some could just be inherently more susceptible (and easily excitable) than others.

But overall theory is one thing—where do the most popular fetishes come from?

BDSM

Since the dawn of time, bondage has often topped the list of most popular sexual fantasies. So it’s not too hard to believe BDSM has had a place in the zeitgeist long before the likes of Christian Grey.

BDSM practices have been found in some of the oldest records on the planet. The Mesopotamians, Greeks, Romans, Japanese, Etruscans—you name it! Human civilization has been full of freaks since forever, so everything from power play and ritualistic flagellation, to being beaten and bound for pleasure have had their place in the history books for ages…just maybe not the ones we had growing up.

Foot Fetish

Whether it’s high heels or the foot itself, research has shown feet and toes take the cake for most lusted after body parts. But in reality, foot fetishes dates back to the early 1200s when people were afraid of catching the plague (i.e. STDs) from sexual acts. As a solution, they opted to start experimenting in the “safer” territory of foot worship, which society has taken and ran with ever since.

Voyeurism/Exhibitionism

Humans have also always been captivated by nudity and the sexuality of others, so the prevalence of orgies and sex parties throughout history should come as no surprise as well. In addition to its place in art and literature, displays of sexuality have played significant roles in cultures throughout the world since the days of Ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome.

From then on it’s spread like wildfire, carrying on in many forms like sex clubs, live shows and pop culture’s obsession with threesomes. And not to mention its most obvious incarnation since the invention of motion picture—porn! Need we really say more?

If there’s one thing many psychologists can agree on in the end, it’s that fetishes are a healthy, perfectly normal thing to have (as long as they’re carried out between consenting, adult partners). So whether you’re well versed or are still exploring, we all can at least relish in the fact there will never be a shortage of ways to keep things spicy.

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Have some fetish fun with sex toys from TickleKitty.com:

The post Popular Fetishes and the Origins Behind Them first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post Popular Fetishes and the Origins Behind Them appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.

Now that Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism–otherwise known as BDSM–have hit peak popularity in mainstream media, strictly-vanilla couples are curious to see what all the fuss is about. Even Fifty Shades can make dipping into bondage and blindfolds seem a bit intimidating, but with a bit of patience and a gentle touch, anyone can safely and pleasurably take kinky sex for a spin.

If you’re a newbie to using toys and accessories to dominate and stimulate, it’s best to begin with some basic BDSM moves that enhance sensation. These 5 introductory BDSM suggestions are a sexy and easy way to add some flavor to your usual routine. Just remember the Golden Rule of kinky sex: always talk about what you plan to do and get your partner’s consent before you start the naughty action.

1. Sensory Deprivation

Teasing your partner with the gentle element of surprise is an enticing way to begin foreplay. Ask your partner to sit in a comfortable chair or lie down on the bed. Using a silky blindfold or soft piece of fabric like a neck tie, bandana, or light scarf, cover your partner’s eyes and gently secure the fabric behind their head. Removing the sense of sight heightens your other 4 senses, so everything you taste, touch, smell, or hear will send extra tingles down your spine. Imagine how lush a whip cream-covered strawberry will taste, or how much a tickling feather will turn on your blindfolded partner? For newcomers to sensory deprivation, introduce the blindfold without any wrist or ankle restraints. Kiss and gently touch your partner to ease them into the darkness, and ask them to vocalize what they feel with every stroke, tickle, and caress.

2. Spanking–With a Twist

Spanking is a BDSM staple with a common misconception. Leave the heavy leather floggers in the dungeon and start with the adorable, ribbon-adorned Heart Beat Crop. Getting spanked is more about increasing blood flow to certain areas of the body, which increases sensitivity to your partner’s touch. Try this little experiment if you find yourself associating spanking with pain. Choose a sexy accessory like the Tickle Time Feather, or grab a regular hair brush from your bathroom. Notice how it feels to run the feather or brush bristles over your palms. Now clap your hands a few times–not so hard that it hurts, but just hard enough that your palms start to turn red. Immediately brush the feather over one of your palms, or use the hair brush to gently scratch and press into your skin. Feels a lot more enticing after clapping, doesn’t it? The same concept works for your butt, thighs, arms, or anywhere else on your body that you want to gently increase sensation.

3. Silk-Tied Wrists

Now comes the B in BDSM–bondage, and it can be just as sensual and soft as the rest of your foreplay. Use a beginner’s cuff like the Comfort Handcuffs, or another soft fabric similar to your DIY blindfold, and bind your lover’s wrists in a comfortable position above their head, behind, or in front of their body. If you’re brand new to bondage, don’t tie your homemade cuffs too tight, and make sure your partner can wiggle their arms and wrists. As you gently move their arms into place, whisper sexy-sweet nothings in their ears about all the orgasmic pleasure they’ll receive once tied up. Trust us, they’ll let you know if and when they’re ready for you to get rougher.

4. Suction Sensations

Just like spanking, using gentle suction on erogenous areas like the nipples or clitoris pulls blood to the surface of the skin, resulting in extra sensitivity and even stronger orgasms. Use a pair of nipple suction toys, like the Nipple Play Suckers, or a vulva pump like the
Intimate Embrace Vibrating Vulva Pump a few minutes at a time. Remove the suction and give your lover’s puffed-up nipples or vulva a long, soft kiss or a warm lick. Then work your way up to 5 – 10 minutes of sucking pressure. The longer you leave them on, the more they’ll feel when you switch from the toy to your mouth. When you’re both ready for the next step, mix suction toys with a bit of light bondage, a blindfold, and killer oral sex.

5. Say It Sexy

Dirty words are the icing on the BDSM cake. A submissive’s pleas of “yes, mistress” are like music to a dominant’s ears, and obedient subs don’t dare make a move without a command from their Domme. If playing master and servant isn’t exactly your thing, you can still take a cue from kinky lifestylers and work dirty talk into your routine. As with all BDSM activities, have a thorough discussion with your partner before you scream “you’re my nasty little slut!” in the throes of passion. Find the words that turn you and your partner on the most by whispering them into each other’s ears before you take your clothes off. One person might enjoy hearing they’re gorgeous and great in bed, while someone else might get off on more aggressive talk and sexual demands.

The best part about BDSM–and sex overall–is that you have complete freedom to turn up the heat or slow things down to the intensity that works for you. Always take small steps and communicate with your partner as you both navigate from vanilla to kink. You never know when you’ll find your next favorite bedroom activity!

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What better way to explore your kinks than with sex toys from TickleKitty.com:

The post 5 Kinky Moves for BDSM Beginners first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post 5 Kinky Moves for BDSM Beginners appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.

Since Fifty Shades hit almost a decade ago, fetishes and kinky sex are experiencing a trendy revival. Humans have always been kinksters, but now that kink has gone mainstream, more people are feeling comfortable with sharing their deepest turn-ons.

By definition, a fetish is a very specific desire for an object, a body part, or a sexual act. If you ask your partner to cuff you to the bed and strap a blindfold over your eyes, then you’re dabbling in kink. However, if you salivate at the mere thought of the smooth, shiny surface of the cuffs and the coolness of the metal digging into your skin, then you probably have a handcuff fetish.

All kinks and fetishes, no matter how seemingly unusual, are perfectly healthy as long as they’re practiced between trusting, consenting adults. However, even the most open-minded couples can stumble upon a surprising fetish desire from a partner. Happy relationships stay happy through constructive conversation, and navigating fetishes is no different. Stay positive, informed, and willing to listen, and your partnership can grow through the connecting experience of kink.

Discuss Your Sexual Needs Early

If you’re embarking on a new relationship, make sure you both get your fetishes out in the open as early as possible. It might seem a bit like jumping the gun, especially if you haven’t slept together yet, but this is especially important if you’re serious about your fetish. Waiting until you’re head-over-heels to spill the fetish beans just makes things more difficult down the line. For example, if you can’t live without spanking, but your partner is extremely sensitive to pain, it could get uncomfortable if the two of you figure this out in the middle of a romp session. Communicate your kinks early to avoid any serious mismatches in sexual tastes that can’t be fixed through compromise later on. (And just think – you might find that you both dig a lot of the same things!)

Educate Yourself

If you’re unsure of how a fetish will work out in practice, read up! Make sure to canvas as many online resources as possible: medical articles, advice from kink-focused sex educators, amateur experiences, and accounts from serious fetish lifestylers. Like everything you read online, take it all with a grain of salt and double-check your facts. Some rather extreme practices are only easy for a chosen few, and others might be willing to dismiss and bash anything beyond the missionary position. Fetish “lifestylers,” a term often used to describe those in the active kink community, are generally very friendly and open to answering questions from curious newcomers. Check out online fetish communities of like-minded souls and seek out knowledgable, respected members. Be open and willing to be educated, and many experienced fetishists are happy to help.

Start Slow and Speak Often

No matter how soft or hard your fetish, always introduce new kinky activities slowly, and preferably without a mouth gag until you’re solid on other types of communication. You might have heard of a “safe word,” which is a single word discussed prior to play time that unmistakably communicates “stop activity immediately!” It’s also helpful to come up with a “safe action” if your activity involves inhibited speech through a ball gag or other material covering the mouth. For example, if you’re gagged and you need a break, you could agree that tapping three times with a hand or foot is the signal to stop. However you choose to communicate, both partners should do it often, especially when testing out new fetishes. The more you engage in fetish play or roleplaying while explaining how it feels, the better your partner will understand how to make the fetish enjoyable for both of you.

Communicate and Compromise

Though it’s rare between committed, loving partners, some couples might hit a wall when trying to find a comfortable middle ground for their sexual needs. Try as you might, your partner’s fetish could be too painful and rough, physically or mentally, to endure. Indulging a partner’s foot fetish, even if it’s a turn-off, is a lot easier than, say, more extreme fetishes like fisting or strap-on play. Engaging in certain acts just isn’t going to work for certain people. However, what you don’t want to do is close the conversation completely. Fetishes don’t disappear out of love, and forcing your partner to give up their fetish isn’t fair. If you’re polyamorous or in an open relationship, encourage your partner to see others who enjoy the stuff you’d rather skip in bed. For monogamous couples, explore every possible avenue of compromise. Fisting might be too much, but four fingers below the knuckles could be your meeting-in-the-middle. And don’t dismiss the power of porn. What you cannot do, you can always watch, and then everyone wins.

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The post How to Navigate Your Partner’s Fetishes first appeared on Tickle Kitty Blog.

The post How to Navigate Your Partner’s Fetishes appeared first on Tickle Kitty Blog.